Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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