I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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