Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize