well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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