I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
