I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize