matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
