I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
