you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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