I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
