I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
