The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
