i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
