one two three fourrrrnication!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
