Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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