i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm always down for nudity.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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