No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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