Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
