We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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