Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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