You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
