She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
