awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
