the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize