I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
