dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Found the puke drawer
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
