remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
