If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
