We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
