woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
