He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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