I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
