Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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