Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize