none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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