I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
