at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
