I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
