I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
