Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
