fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize