i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
