Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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