He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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