No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize