That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
