respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
