i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
