I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
