Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
