Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
