Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
