Who did Billy Mays play for?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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