just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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