I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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