his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
