i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
