remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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