There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
