do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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