I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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