i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize