your thong is hanging out like whoa
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
