He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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