I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize