Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
