Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
