They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
