my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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