drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
