i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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