yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
