She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
