Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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