all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
