Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
