areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
