Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the day after is always just damage control
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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