Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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