five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize