I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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