i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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