It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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