I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize