Me. At least after what I've been through.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
