This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
