can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
