How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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