Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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