there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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