I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
