Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
