oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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