Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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