Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
