Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
