I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
