If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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