Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
