Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
