spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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