I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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