I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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