remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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