Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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